one panic attack later…

Holy moly, what a week. No time for prose, must list instead:

1). I reconnected a friend who I totally cannot read- is he annoyed with me for wanting to hang out with me? He seems it, yet he keeps showing up. I refuse to believe he was more interesting in 6th grade than he is now, but this may be a lost cause. He actually contacted me about teaching jobs through the magic of Facebook and we’ve hung out a couple times since then, but each time I get the feeling he cannot wait to get outta there. Whatever. It’s hard enough pulling answers from my students, I don’t need that kind of interaction with people in my personal life as well.

2). I discovered a type of beer that doesn’t make me want to throw up immediately: heffeweisen! Yum.

3). At the beginning of this week the major school district affiliated with my teaching program declared a hiring freeze- not good, considering most of us were counting on getting hired by them. So, the program said we didn’t have to stick to our affiliated districts any more, and that instead we could apply where ever we wanted. So, a few days later, after finally getting a moment to myself, I started looking at charter schools in my city, and sending off resumes randomly, not expecting much but wanting to get them out of the way before I did the big applications for districts outside of town. Twenty minutes after I sent a specific school my resume, a principal called me to schedule an interview- for that afternoon. I went after my teaching classes, had the first interview where I didn’t walk away feeling completely dumb about my answers, and went to go get very drunk with my classmates while playing minigolf. Several very intoxicated hours later, I check my email…and I had been offered the job. Within twelve hours of sending my resume. HOLY CRAP. Talk about a confidence booster!

It’s not all roses and sunshine, though…I have to teach Physics and Chemistry, instead of Biology like I was hoping. It’s actually probably better this way, though- less contraversial subject matter, more concrete experiments, and NO RAT CARCASSES. Also, this school has an amazing schedule that involves a two week fall break, right around my birthday. Holy moly…for that I alone I can forgive them for making me write my own curriculum for each of the classes.

I HAVE A JOB!!! HOLY CRAP! After busting my ass for a year and a half trying to get a new science job, just two weeks after starting to find a science teaching job I AM HIRED. I’m so excited, I think I’ll go to be a half an hour early today in celebration (something that teachers appreciate, believe me!).

Also, I saw this after lesson planning all day Saturday at a coffee shop:


Please tell me someone else sees that thing sneaking up on that poor, unsuspecting house, about to give it a major karate chop…


1. Teaching isn’t as hard as I had thought it would be. My students this summer are actually really interested in our lessons, and are really smart!! My supervising teacher, however, is a pain the ass.
2. If for some reason I do not get a job in the fall, I can always fall back on becoming a medical technologist.
3. I AM LONELY. This is leading to all sorts of psychological issues that I really shouldn’t have to be dealing with as a new teacher. Stupid boy has no sympathy for my busy-ass teaching schedule and barely interacts with me the two hours I’m actually home and conscious. I’m thinking about curling up in a ball in the closet and crying my eyes out. Maybe then I can work on becoming an actual functioning part of society. Or I can just stop trying to be social and just collapse into myself. That leads to a renewed interest in self harm, which was hard enough to deal with grad school when no one relied on me, so how can I deal with that now that I have students? Not to mention people I “have” to socialize with as a new teacher. Hello, more medication…but will any really renew my self-worth? I basically haven’t had any in…I don’t even know how many years. Four? Five? Definitely not since my mom died and my brain went all sorts of wonky and never really recovered. Dammit, monkeys are social, what the hell is wrong with me?? I tried to hang out with a friend who I haven’t seen in 15 years and instead of catching up and being in anyway a normal human being I basically threw myself at him and screamed “I HOPE YOU STILL LIKE ME!” but over the course of an hour. The poor guy had to drink three pints to put up with me.

Must go plan lessons now. No more time for self reflection and self pity…

gah!! so overwhelmed!! Also some pictures.

Oh my moly. Things are a-happenin’!

-I finally left the lab- woohoo!! No more rats and disgruntled grad students for me!! Unfortunately this also means no more income…
-I started my teaching certificate program- it is simultaneously incredibly frustrating and exciting. It’s frustrating because so much emphasis is put on this rule system that the program is based on, rather than the ins and outs of how to teach, which is what I really need to know. Additionally, apparently some of the people in the program are catty bi-oches*, because it’s only the second day of the program and I’ve already basically been told someone is talking crap about me. Awesome. Can’t get enough. Bring it, fools, you’re just jealous of my mad science background.
-I start teaching for real next Wednesday. Sure, it’s “student teaching,” but I’m actually teaching the lesson, making lesson plans, directing labs, grading, etc, so the only difference I see is that I’ll be under supervision the whole time. Plus I’m so excited about teaching that I keep volunteering for things when I should be just sitting back and watching. But this is good, right? ‘Cause no one will ever forget who I am this way…of course, they’ll all think I’m a nutcase, but at least they’ll never forget me…

In other news, we have a new addition to our household:
Chomsky! The incredibly intense bearded dragon! My friend is moving out of the country and wanted Chomksy to go to a good home rather than being sold back to the pet store, so he became ours. I was worried the cats would freak him out, but since the second day he’s been here, he’s basically just ignored him. They cats, on the other hand, can’t get enough of him, especially during “daylight” hours when the heat lamp is on and he’s up and moving around.

That’s big ol’ Kiwi, showing some love by sleeping on top of poor Chomsky’s terrarium, even though I’ve chased him off of there 248952720 times already. Little bastard. Cute, but still a bastard.

I had more pictures to post, of shops shaped like cupcakes and giant teddy bear statues that must induce nightmares (both of these things I saw in town recently…) but I am tired and I still have to write a syllabus and lesson plans and read some case studies and this and that and…

*i don’t know how you actually spell this word but I think my point still gets across so I’m comfortable in my ignorance in this area.

the last few weeks in pictures

My lab legacy:

Two+ years of saved post-its notes, all deemed no longer necessary and thrown into the recycle bin. My ex-assistants would be proud.

It’s kitten season at my dad’s place in the “country”:
Such cute little future-demons…one of them already knows what he/she wants to be when he/she grows up:

A dragon slayer! This pic is blurry because it is so full of dragon-butt-kicking action. That dragon is supposed to go on the end of rain gutters, like a gargoyle. If you’ve ever been on a plane, you’ll recognize it’s from, that’s right, Skymall!! Hahaha… I thought it was such an awesomely silly idea to get my dad…until I gave them to him and he sadly pointed out that he has no rain gutters. What the what?? Who doesn’t have rain gutters?? Whatever, now the dragon gutter guys flank his front door and are obviously great threats to little kittens.

Also, it’s pretty-flower-season!
Also known as the beginning of “f*ck-it’s-hot” season. Soon it will be “do-I-really-need-to-go-outside-during-daylight?” season and all the flowers will be gone. Sadness!

Back to work…hopefully this will be the last Memorial day I have to work for a while, but who knows what the future brings? All I know is that, for a while at least, it will bring less rat-dander-induced allergies!

There is no sense to this one…

I’m so bad about writing these days! And I don’t know why, my head is just as full of crazy as it always has been, so somewhere along the line I should be pouring that crazy onto my keyboard and thus into the interwebs. Instead, whenever I go to my blog I just mess around with backgrounds and themes and such. I admit, I can be a bit of a wanker sometimes*.  But hopefully I’m an anonymous wanker now! Go ahead, new readers, just try and figure out who I am! Except don’t, that’ll ruin the mystery…also that assumes that I get new readers. I had a boss in high school, when I gloriously worked at the bowling alley across the street from my parents’ house and got hit on by 50+ year old men every night, who loved saying “you know what happens when you assume? You make an ass out of you and me.” To which I always thought, Good one, Aesop, now shut up and let me go finish spraying the dirty shoes that are stacking up on the counter. But I was meek and polite so usually I just apologized for assuming that costumers who told me that they had their own bowling shoes were totally lying when I could see that they were, in fact, just wearing sneakers. But enough about my recurring nightmares…

Hey, what the heck happened to my font?!?

Yesterday Dr. FianceeHusband and I were at a “restaurant” and I watched a guy pull up at the drive through and order through his back window, rather than the driver side, normal window. Then we debated whether or not he did this because he was such a cool, low rider guy and his seat was just that far back (which it was, actually), or because his front window didn’t work. His car was very shiny and pretty, with rims and everything, so I’m guessing its’ the “cool guy” thing.

Two more weeks of work! Woot! Except then I won’t have an income or insurance! Shit!

I saw the new Star Trek movie and liked it, except that we saw it at the IMAX and it was TOO BIG to take in, which was annoying. Also, seriously, J.J. Abrams, what’s with the jerky camera motion? Come on, relax buddy, and get your camerapeople some freaking tripods. The only thing that kept me from horking was the fact that new Kirk was so pretty. Pretty even when the IMAX made his face so big that I could see right down into his soul through his pores during close ups. But, you know, not in a creepy way.

I start student teaching in three weeks- eep. I am worried that despite all my buster and preparedness, I’m going to get up there in front of the kids and just go totally blank. Or my nipples will, um, stand at attention. When I was a TA in grad school, there was a day when I was leading a discussion section** and I watched as all eyes suddenly, as one, moved from my face to my chest. Apparently I was very excited about mitosis… From then on I wore a hoodie to class, no matter how hot it got. And there were days when I would be 100+ degrees outside, but sweating was a small price to pay for invisible nipples. Also on those hot days less students showed up at office hours in my cramped, un-air conditioned office. Hmm… Now I have to dress “pretty” though so I think a hoodie is no longer an option, though I have thought about sweaters- but do you know how much those damn things cost?!? Maybe I’ll try to get away with wearing hoodies with my dresses…

This weird font size change is pissing me off, and I can’t figure out how to fix it!

Our car is trying to make me crazy. It has decided that now that I will actually need it on a daily basis, rather than just once a week when we buy groceries or go to “restaurants,” it will die on us repeatedly. We can’t figure out what its problem is, so Dr. FianceeHusband is finally breaking down and taking it to the shop. See, we have a volvo, in a we-used-to-have-a-cool-old-volvo-and-now-we-have-a-soccermomish-new-one-shut-up kind of way. Volvos are awesome because you can drive the hell out of them, by which I mean you can put 1845893578923489 miles on them, but when they break you can’t just run to Autozone to get a new part since they are all Swedish/German-y. So, there’s one really good Volvo shop in town, and they are so good and there are so many Volvos in Austin that you can’t just drive up and say “hey, my car’s broke!” and they’ll fix it, you have to make an appointment. So it could take a while to get the car into and out of the shop, which is bad because 1). I need it, and soon and 2). Dr. FianceeHusband is leaving town for two weeks this weekend, which means I’ll have to deal with the mechanics and I’m not good with confrontations when I don’t have all the facts. What if they tell me that the harmonic balancer*** needs to be replaced? Or that it’s time to replace the unicorn oil****? I’ll be powerless to tell them to shove it, and we’ll end up
getting charged $28248312.

My word count on this post is creepily stuck on 911…what does that mean? Even though I keep writing, it won’t change. Do you need assistance, WordPress?!? Maybe I’ll just stop writing now…but just in case, here is a tiny goat:

You just never know when you might need a tiny goat.

*I have been shamelessly watching BBC shows. Swoon!

**Translation: lecturing because none of the students could understand the prof

***This is a real part in Volvos!! They are from the future or space or something! Also can you believe that WordPress doesn’t think “balancer” is a real word?

****I bet Volvos do run on unicorn oil…


Right, so my 4-week notice letter was sent to my boss last Thursday… and now, somehow, everyone I work with knows I’m leaving. The worst part? NO ONE IS DISAPPOINTED. I know I’m no one’s best friend around here but come on, people, I bust my ass for you all!! And how do I know this, other than by having a busted ass? I have been going through my 7000+ accumulated emails associated with this job, picking out any and all things that I took care of while working here the last 2.5 years. My list is up to 14 pages and I’m only in the first third. GAH.

In other news, I’ve been applying for teaching jobs like a madwoman. How many times can you bug the same principal? Seriously, people, I can totally teach Physics and no one wants that job. Crap, that reminds me I need to obliterate every trace of myself on the interwebs…prepare to be anon-i-fied, blog!

lessons learned this weekend

1. Going to a teacher’s job fair in May when all you have is a probationary teaching certificate is way pointless and pretty damn frustrating. Chance to network my butt, the principals are not interested in chitchatting with you about your teaching strategies, they want to meet teachers with 248927 years experience. Whatever.

2. I should never go the Pecan Street Festival by myself when I am on a budget, especially a you-just-put-in-your-resignation-and-have-no-summer-income budget. But there were so many pretty things (though this pic does not do this mobile justice):

3. Girls with chubby thighs that may or may not be me should not go to street fairs for hours in the heat when wearing a skirt.

4. Having a desk covered in crafting supplies is not conducive to filling out teaching applications, organizing a neat resume, etc.